10 Things I Wish I’d Known 10 Years Ago – A Little Wisdom for Today

Where has the last decade gone? It feels like it flew by in a blink of an eye! Ten years ago, I was 35, parenting a 6-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a newborn. Life was filled with baby gear, school runs, toddler groups and baby classes.  On top of that, I was running my own art consultancy business, fully in the juggle.  Reflecting now, I realise there’s much I’ve learned, and it feels helpful to share it.

Here are the top 10 things I wish I’d known at 35 – in case they offer you something new to ponder.

1. Get to Know You Back then, I was so caught up in doing that I hadn’t paused to think about who I really was or what I really wanted. In my mid-40s, it hit me like a jolt: I’d been living reactively, unaware of my own values and not planning my life.  My path forward felt unclear.  Getting to know myself has been transformative. Increased self-awareness has helped me make decisions that genuinely feel right for me and opened a world of new opportunities. Have you stopped to ask yourself, Who am I at this point in my life?

2. Discover and Double Down on Your Strengths I didn’t realise how valuable some of my own strengths were—empathy, problem-solving, communication —so I focused more on my weaknesses instead. These days, I’d tell my younger self to play to my strengths! What strengths do you have that you haven’t fully noticed yet?  What do others see in you?

3.  Identity is Fluid Who you are isn’t set in stone. I’m a parent, daughter, sister, businesswomen, founder, volunteer, wild swimmer…a mix of roles and identities, each as “me” as the next! We are ever evolving, and embracing this fluidity feels freeing.  So, don’t box yourself in as “one thing”. We’re way more complex and nuanced than that!

4. Be Present and Capture the Moments A decade ago, in those early days of parenting, I always felt I should be doing something else or doing something better.  Looking back, I wish I’d just relaxed into it more and given myself permission to fully be there. Life is fleeting, precious and can be volatile.  I missed photo opportunities, skipped that extra hug, and let moments slip by without expressing how I felt. Don’t let those moments pass you by—cherish and capture them.  What part of your life could you give yourself permission to lean into more? 

5. Throw Positivity and Connection Out There The best connections come when you reach out with genuine interest and no agenda. Amazing things can happen when you introduce yourself, compliment someone, or share a passion with someone new!

6. Define Success Your Way A decade ago, I was chasing someone else’s version of success (I can be a people pleaser, something I am working on).  These days, I regularly ask myself, “What does success look like for me now?” Our lives and needs change, so let your idea of success shift along with it.

7. Check in with loved ones People close to us are often struggling, even if we don’t realise it. Trust the niggle and check in.  I have lost loved ones to suicide; we are tribal beings meant to belong together, and someone may need to be reminded that they are a valued part of a community.  Is anyone on your mind right now?  Time for a quick call, or voice memo?

8. Invest in Those Who Love You Back Life’s too short to pour your energy into people who don’t invest in you. Focus on those who love you deeply and return that love. They’re your people - give them your best.

9. Skip the Assumptions Assumptions lead to misunderstandings, plain and simple. When you catch yourself assuming, ask, “What story am I making up about this?” Seek clarity and save yourself from unnecessary heartache.

10. Remember, We Are Wired for Negativity  Ever wonder why you can still remember those cringy comments from way back in school? That’s called Negativity Bias. Our brains evolved to cling to negative stuff to keep us safe, but now it just means the bad memories stick harder than the good ones. To balance it out, we need to actively focus on the positives and remind ourselves how brilliant we truly are!  I started a ‘Brag Book’ four years ago to actively capture positive comments about me so I can revisit them in on tough, low-confidence days.  What was the last positive comment you remember hearing about yourself? 

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The Knowledge Trap