Soul lessons

A little bit of history was made in our family this week.  On Saturday my thirteen-year-old daughter had her Jewish coming of age ceremony called a Bat Mitzvah.  Traditionally a girl’s coming of age is a much smaller affair than the boys Bar Mitzvah.  For the first time in the Almeleh family my girl did the full male equivalent! She led the service with our Rabbi; she sang, she read and shared her thoughts on her readings in front of the congregation just as her forefathers did before her. 

Bella was nervous before the ceremony and was up super early after a restless night’s sleep.  She asked me in a light hearted manner - why do I have to go through this?

Looking into her eyes and hunting for words to sooth her, I clearly saw that this was one large courageous step on which many more courageous steps will be built.  I told her how lucky she was that she can practise courage; how fortunate she was that she was being given a platform to speak and to be heard and respected by all ages.  I asked her to imagine, if you can do this thirteen what will you be doing next?

There was a poem in her service that particularly spoke to me.  When I looked it up I discovered it was written by feminist author and artist Judy Chicago in 1979 where she imagines a world where men and women would one day be equal:

And then all that has divided us will merge
And then compassion will be wedded to power
And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind
And then both men and women will be gentle
And then both women and men will be strong
And then no person will be subject to another's will
And then all will be rich and free and varied
And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of many
And then all will share equally in the Earth's abundance
And then all will care for the sick and the weak and the old
And then all will nourish the young

That line ‘And then all will nourish the young’.  This is what we were doing with Bella.  As a community we were empowering her and encouraging her to think for herself by giving her this platform.  What a significant and meaningful tradition! 

To me, to nourish the young is to nourish their spirit.  I do believe that every child would benefit from the opportunity to think their own thoughts and speak their own truth and for young and old to share and ponder life’s challenges together.

Many of the adults I coach have little self-awareness of what I will call the collective soul lessons they have learnt over their lifetime.  One of my most empowering exercises is to re-remember a client’s past challenges, obstacles, wins, failures and acts of courage.  We then contemplate together the lessons learnt and we spend time finding the gifts and the messages in there. We re-remember what their elders said about them, what they saw in them.  It is often here we get our first A ha moment as the client reflects on their life, what informs their thinking and the values they live by.

But what if we create space to have these discussions with our young along the way, like a habit or a daily practise? 

As a family we have created our own tradition of sharing our daily ups and downs around the dining table at dinner.  One of us asks the questions “what did you achieve today that you are proud of?”, “What was a challenge you had to overcome?  Or a failure?”  We all share without interruption until we have finished what we have to say and then we pass on to someone else.  I believe by recognising these moments we are reminding ourselves daily of who we are and what we can accomplish.

Bella’s coming-of-age ceremony pushed her out of her comfort zone and it also empowered her.  We will remember this occasion together as a family so she remembers that she danced with the fear and had the courage to step into the challenge so she can build upon this experience.

To reach the utopia that Chicago contemplates, the world needs well intentioned and heart led leaders from all communities and minority groups to have the courage to be heard and seen. This can start in our homes when we empower our young to think and speak for themselves.  I will finish with Bella’s reflection on one of her readings:

“To make our communities more inclusive, we must empower ourselves to create change”.